There have been many things happening in our household these past few days I have been absent! We have discovered that there are always new ways to create tantrums that there are only a couple of weeks until school is back. That some days are better than the others.
I forget sometimes about my daughters ASD, I forget that she is constantly fighting to be perfect in an imperfect world. That she alone knows the battles that she fights inside her head, which battle she picks to fight the hardest, is it the battle not to hurt herself today? Or the battle not to scream at everything? Or the battle to interact with her family? It’s so easy to forget sometimes especially when she can appear so normal, so easy to forget!
The last few days have been filled with her fights that she has chosen to show on the outside. Her battle wounds visible in the open sores she has picked at. These are the days that I feel helpless that everything I do can not even ease my own child’s pain, that day in and day out she suffers in silence for fear that she may scare people or even worst have her family reject her just for being herself. I constantly remind her that her family loves her just for being her but even she knows that society expects us all to be the same. She grew up watching Disney where everyone who gets a happy ending is what society deems normal. To this day she still sings to everything and everyone when she is sad.
Tonight she shot one of her first films with her dolls! This is really the only way that she interacts with her toys by making films/plays with them. Tomorrow I will hopefully teach her how to edit them on her computer, before we get frustrated with each other!